Facing Reality
by toilasay
Summary: Have you ever looked back and wished you had done so many things different? Have you ever wondered what happened to your life and how you changed so much?
1. Prologue

It's funny how things change. Situations you were once comfortable with become uncomfortable, and vice versa. People you once felt safe around are now you enemies, even if they are you family, your childhood friends, or those who you looked up to as your own personal counselor. You almost forgot that while you were changing, they were too. You enemies have become your closest friends. The people who you trust, or who you thought you could trust, are now the people you wouldn't believe if they promised to pay back a galleon, or a sickle for that matter. Maybe you would a knut, but only if brutal force is applied.

One day you wake up, and you realize, the present system if different from the world you were once so accustomed to. You whole perception of life has changed. The life you dreamed of when you were playing in a field of daises has become an almost unfathomable memory. The places and people that you were once so comfortable with are now almost intangible. You wish with all your heart that things could go back to the way you want them to, but striving for this goal is unreachable, since you can't grow younger, or become less experienced. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that field of daises. There, it is possible to still have hope, which is now lost because you are not the person you thought you would be. You don't live the life you thought you would. You do not have what you thought you wanted. Maybe, just maybe, you even have something that you thought you didn't want. You have not become who you wanted to be. It is too late to change it. No one else has become that great and daunting person either. Sometimes things turn out better, and sometimes, they turn out worse. You can never tell. Like I said, one day you'll wake up and realize the world is different. Sooner or later you will have to deal with the harsh realities of the world and have to grow up, understand that you are no longer safe from harm or responsibility. You'll say, wow, am I really that old? Did I really do that? Is this who I am? Or is this who I wanted to be?

No matter how much your loved ones prepare you for life, you will never comprehend what they are talking about until you actually have to live what they have tried so desperately to warn you of. When you are young, you wish for the future to come as quickly as possible, only to realize that what you really wanted was to be a baby forever. Parents, siblings, grandparents, and best friends are no longer a haven of comfort. No longer can you go to them for advice or ask them anything. On the contrary, they are now a source of the greatest frustration, since you have grown apart and can no longer have the same relationship that you once used to. The irony of it is that you never realize it until it is too late to change the future. It has become inevitable. There is nothing you can do about it. It infuriates you, but the only thing you can do is try to make the best of the new situations given to you and except that, like all things in life, new and old things are bitter sweet.

Adults will always tell you to plan for the future, with that hope of preparing you, but those who constantly focus on doing so never seem to realize that the future has already come. Or, maybe, in your mind, your "future" will never come. Life is too short to be spent on always planning ahead. This is where all of the levels of planning come into. There are three levels of planning: too much, too little, and just enough. Just enough is when you live as well, if you just live. If the future were predictable, then what would be the fun in life? More importantly, what would be the point in life? You were given free will for this reason: that you would not become a robot. This is what I begrudgingly learned from falling in love with James Potter. My name is Lily Evans. Welcome to my life.


	2. Chapter 1: Deciding to Hurt the Innocent

It's funny how the beginning, middle, and end of the story cover such drastically different periods of time. The beginning lasted several years. The middle lasted only a few. The end, well, let's just say its endurance wasn't near long enough. It might be a bit difficult for you to understand my story, seeing as how you are coming in at the middle. But just to make a long story short: I am a horrible person, and nothing anyone can say will make it better.

I guess it all began in 1st year, when I had my secret crush on Sirius. No one ever found out, and I was glad it was kept that way. I would have died of humiliation had anyone found out. The reason for my desire to keep this secret is simple: James Potter liked me. There was no way Sirius would go out with me if James liked me. They were too close. Sirius had the best platonic love for James I have ever seen. The way they saw it, I wasn't worth their friendship, and it is quite humbling to have to admit that, yes, I Lily Evans, agree with them.

James never did anything wrong to me. He was a lot like me, probably too much. He was arrogant, cocky, and very talented. In fact, his liking me proved to be most beneficial. No one bothered me, except for Snape that is. I was on a pedestal that I didn't belong on. I hated it. This might sound peculiar, since my life seemed to be total bliss. I didn't even have to fight my own battles. But, that wasn't how it was. To most, I was untouchable. No one asked me out, save Potter. Anyone who even dared a glance in his presence was hexed. It was more bitter for me than sweet.

I guess somewhere along the line, he stopped genuinely liking me. We went out for a brief period in 4th year, since I had nothing better to do. It wasn't like I had anyone else to go out with. I guess James won the bet, since Sirius told him he did when I showed up at the Three Broomsticks with him. I was infuriated. No amount of boredom was worse than the feeling I got that day. So, from then on, James was no longer just an annoying admirer. He became an enemy. I loathed him. I would have liked nothing better than to never have to speak to him again. Unfortunately, I didn't have such luck. He still talked to me and tried to apologize. I really wished he hadn't. It wasn't just because he annoyed me either. Rather, it was because of what he drove me to do.

I wanted to do nothing more than make his life miserable, so I did it in the way I knew would hurt him the most. I tried to win over Sirius. My several attempts failed, and I stooped really low. I was just having a friendly set up chat with Sirius while waiting for James to walk into the room. Of course, when he did, I kissed Sirius. I never saw James look more hurt than that day. I didn't feel one but guilty, that is, until Peter confronted me. My guilt led me to tell James the truth, and seeing his cockiness, it made me hate him more. James made my bad qualities show, and I hated what he did to me. I had my revenge, but it was short lived, and it was anything but sweet.

The bad thing is, though, I never did anything positive about it. I stooped really low in my attempts to get him away from me. He never gave up, of course, so in my 7th and final year at Hogwarts, I decided that I would help him decide that I wasn't what he wanted. However, I went about it in the wrong way. I never realized that I was so cruel and callous until I was done terrorizing him. I also didn't expect the tables to turn on me. I found myself facing a reversal of roles, and it was far from fun. I was going to get a lesson in humility.


End file.
